Christmas 2008

My handsome nephew, Hunter, opening up his gifts
Mia and Missy
The beautiful Enstad girls with my beautiful Helayna
Sweet little Livvie Lu
My gorgeous girls who I love more than life itself!

Helayna's 13th Birthday!

sweet sisters
helayna after getting her hair done by Auntie Marlain front of a yummy cupcake shop we went to before the mall

Helayna didn't want a party this year. She just wanted to go to the mall with her best friend, Kendall. So, we had lunch, shopped ALL day, had a sleepover and then took her to her favorite restaurant, Outback for her birthday......simple but fun!

helayna and kendall, best friends since age 2
getting a snack after all that shopping!
the birthday princess

Well, my first "baby" is officially a teenager!!! I cannot believe it! I feel like she was 8 years old yesterday and a little girl...now she is growing into a VERY tall, beautiful young lady who has a mind of her own and doesn't need her mommy so much anymore. She is becoming very independent and testing us constantly to see how far she can push and how serious we are about what we say.

I feel like part of it is because I homeschooled her from 1st through 6th grade, so we became very close and did almost everything together. I knew all her friends and their parents, knew what she was doing every second of the day pretty much and had about as much control as any parent can over the influences in her life.

Now, sending her to school this year has changed many things. I no longer know all her friends, although I do know the ones she considers her "best" friends. I do not know all their parents, although I am trying to get to know them whenever possible. I don't know what she is doing throughout the day and sometimes after school when she has activities and such. She has a cell phone but doesn't always answer it...(which drives me crazy!!!) She makes plans that I don't always 100% approve of, but I try to let her do as much as I am comfortable with. I still say "no", don't get me wrong...but I am trying to "let her go" a little at a time because I know it's what's best for her.

I still look at her as if she is my baby girl and I want to just grab her and pull her on my lap, but it's not so easy now that she's 100 lbs! She is still my sweet Helayna and I know that she will always be, deep inside, but she is definitely changing and has influences that she never had before. I guess it's a normal part of life...she can't always be a momma's girl...but it's hard for me to let her go and be her own person and leave me behind, in a sense. 

I want her to have friends, have her own life, learn things on her own, have fun and be a kid...but part of me wants to be there to make sure she doesn't get hurt, make mistakes, or be let down. I just want her to be happy and never have to experience heartache or get hurt by anyone or anything and I want to protect her from the world, but I know I can't. I can't be there by her side at all times, and at some point, I have to trust that God is going to take over when I can't be. He will be there to lead her down the right path, protect her and keep her safe and help her to choose what is right and to say no to things that are wrong. I have to trust that we have laid a good foundation down for her and taught her what is most important and that God will be the center of her life, even when she doesn't quite know it yet. 

I know she will question what she has learned, eventually. But, I want her faith to be her own so that's ok. I want her to ask questions and find the answers for herself, not just believe because we told her to. But, I pray that she doesn't stray too far away while she is figuring it all out. I pray that God keeps her close, even in the midst of her doubt, (if she has doubt) and that He will reign her back in quickly.

I just love this child so much that it hurts. She was my first child and will always be my baby. She is a blessing to us every single day and sometimes I can't believe we're raised such an amazing child. She is kind, funny, sweet, beautiful, artistic, smart, and very grown up for her age. She has an inner kindness and beauty that some people are lucky to see. I am so proud of her and hope that I can always show her that. Of course, we have our "moments" and she has normal teenager behaviors that aren't so fun for us...but I know that deep inside, she is my sweet Helayna and that we can get through these next few years as long as we keep communicating and being honest with each other. And of course, with God's help.

Helayna....I couldn't ask for anything more in a daughter. I love you so very much and hope that you always know that.

Only 3 more years til she drives!!!! yikes!!!!!

Mia's 5th birthday

Well, my little "baby" turned 5 yesterday and I can't believe it! It seems like just yesterday we brought her home from Vietnam when she was 2 1/2...where does the time go?

Mia woke us all up at about 7am, running around singing "it's my birthday! It's my birthday!!!!", all giddy and happy. I truly have never seen anyone so excited about their birthday before, it was precious!

So, we all got up and of course, she wanted her presents first...so, she opened a baby doll from "Sissy" (Helayna), a pretty shirt from Sally, money (which she was very excited about!) from the Vosburgs and a few cards from friends and family. She also opened up some clothes from us...

Then, we all had donuts for breakfast, which was Mia's request. After breakfast, we gave her our big gift which was a princess bike! She was so excited and wanted to ride it right away. So, we went outside and played for a while, since the weather was so nice.

Helayna had fun riding the 12" bike too:)

Mia and Helayna played with her new doll for a while and then, after lunch was her party at the Little Gym.

About 15 of her friends came and they all had SO much fun. The person who ran the party was AWESOME and engaged the kids so well and had everyone laughing, running around and playing the entire time. I was so impressed, as we've had many parties but never had someone so great with the kids.

Little Gym is like a gymnasium for little kids where they can run, swing, balance, play with balls, bells, and just have lots of fun.

After they played for a long time, we went and had cake (which I ordered online and it came out beautifully) and opened gifts. They set up mats to look like a throne for Mia to sit on, so she was about 4 feet off the floor. It was so cute!

She got lots of great stuff that we've been playing with every since and lots of cute clothes too.

I looked around and felt very blessed to have so many friends and family to share her special day with. I just wish the rest of our family was there with us:(

We went to dinner at Olive Garden (also Mia's request...to have pasta) with Marla, Tom and the kids and when we got home, Mia was exhausted...I think she had her quota of fun for the day...and had a little meltdown before falling asleep for the night. 

She had such a great day and I feel so thankful for this beautiful, sweet child that God has brought into my life. This is the 3rd birthday we have spent together and each year, I love her even more. 

She is so silly, loving, sweet,smart, beautiful, and says the funniest thing sometimes...and I just can't imagine my life without her. I think about all the time I spent praying for her to come home and like I've said many times before, now it was all worth it. But looking at her now, just proves to me that God is good. He knew that she belonged in our family and brought her to us in His time. I truly thank him every single day for this precious child and feel so much love for her, it almost hurts. 

When we sang "happy birthday" to her, it took so much for me not to cry. Just looking at her sweet face, I felt more blessed than I can even explain. To spend another birthday with her and see her smiling face means everything to me. To know that she is happy and has love surrounding her makes up for the 2 years she spent without a family. Well, it may not make up for it completely, but I know in my heart that she is where she is meant to be and that makes all the difference. I hope and pray that she always feels completely loved and knows how special she is to me.

Happy Birthday, sweet Mia Kim!

I love you so very much.....

thoughts on adoption...

I just put Mia to bed and read her a book, like every other night. But tonight, I cried while I read to her. The book was called : Shaoey and Dot and it's a book about adoption. The baby in the story is in an orphanage and there's a ladybug that stays with her until she's adopted by her family.

This is the part where I cried...........

"See, I've waited till now to tell you this story.

It's about all the reasons you cry.

Sometimes it's because you feel sick, tired ,or hungry,

And sometimes you just want your pants dry."

"But, then, there's a cry that's the saddest of all.

In fact, it's unlike any other.

It comes from a deep, empty place in your heart

That can only be filled by a mother."

It just brought me back to that time that I waited and waited for Mia to come home. I felt such an ache in my heart and an emptiness in my soul that I can never explain to anyone who hasn't gone through adoption themselves. It's unlike any other feeling I've ever had and so very painful. To know that your child is in another country, needing love, affection, someone to love them as only a mother can. And you can't give that to them...it's very difficult to deal with. It's a literal ache, as the months go on and all you want to do is hold that child, tell her you love her, kiss her face and rock her to sleep. Help her when she's not feeling well, change her clothes when she's dirty, calm her when she's upset, just give her the love that she deserves and longs for. And you can't....all you can do is sit and wait....and wait...........and wait.................and pray, of course.

Reading that book brought back all those feelings for me like they were yesterday. I remember getting a picture of Mia from my agency, as I so often did (which was wonderful) but this time, it wasn't so pleasant. She was sick, had a horrible rash on her face and was lying on the tile floor in the orphanage. She looked miserable. All I could think about was how desperately I wanted to be there to make her feel better....to hold her and comfort her and give her a cool bath. It was torture not being able to help my sick baby...it was such a motherly instinct that at the moment, I knew for sure Mia was meant to be my daughter...and no matter how long it took to get her home, God will bring her home to me...

And He did. Not in my time, but in His. And I may never know why it took so long, and in the end, does it really matter? All that matters is that I have my baby girl home now, where she belongs and now I can truly be her mother and comfort her whenever she needs comforting, tell her I love her 20 times a day, give her tons of hugs and kisses to make up for all those years I wasn't there and just love her like a mother should.

God is good....and so is the gift of being a mom. 

9/16/08 Adoption Update

Hi all,

This is an email I recieved from our adoption agency, Children's Hope International regarding what's going on in the adoption world right now. It's really sad and I just feel for all the kids who are going to suffer because of this mess. The saddest part is that none of this changes how many kids still need families and will go on living in orphanges and foster homes while they figure all of this out. They are the ones who lose out on living in loving families and it just breaks my heart to know this. We can only pray that this situation is resolved soon.

Read on:

What’s Happening in International Adoption and with Children’s Hope?

I sincerely want you and all families working with Children’s Hope International to have assurance and understand the restructuring that Children’s Hope is going through because of certain changes in international adoption.   

Basically, all adoption agencies are scrambling to re-invent themselves according to the new realities.  So is Children’s Hope.  Here are some examples of what is happening.  

• China referrals have slowed to perhaps 1/4^th of what they were.  The current wait time for referrals is 32 months and still climbing.
• Vietnam adoptions continue for families who already have referrals but no new applications until if/when the U.S. and Vietnam authorities sign a new memorandum of agreement.
• Guatemala was the second largest destination for adoptive families and it has been closed to new adoptions.
• Most countries have been very slow in giving referrals causing the wait time in most countries to increase.  
• Korea is making announcements regarding closure of international adoptions by 2012.

International adoption agencies are reporting that new restrictions and fewer referrals are creating a crisis for them and that is certainly true with Children’s Hope. 

This year the Hague accreditation process was inaugurated for certain countries which have signed to be in that process.  

Of the countries where we work, that includes only 

China

Colombia. 

These are the only two countries we work with that require Hague Accreditation in order to accept new applications.  Because we have not get received Hague accreditation, that means CHI cannot take new applications, but all CHI families with dossiers already in the country are ‘grandfathered’ in and can complete their adoption using Children’s Hope.  Not to worry  

We have a few families in process of completing their paperwork for China and when we receive those they will be transferred to a sister agency who will submit it in country.  Otherwise the CHI families with dossiers already in country should complete without any problem.   

We are still able to submit dossiers to Colombia as long as the family has an I-600a.  Any others we will work to submit through a sister agency.  

 

It does NOT apply to
Russia

Kazakhstan nor

Ethiopia 

These are not “Hague Countries” and we are pleased to say everything is proceeding reasonably well.  At this time there is no need for you to be concerned at all about “Hague” accreditation in these countries;  Russia is slow but moves forward steadily.  Kazakhstan is slow and has its own requirements.  Ethiopia is all sunshine.

 

Vietnam is in its own category:  It does not require an agency to have Hague Accreditation but it is now closed to all agencies in regard to new applications until a new Memorandum of Agreement is signed between the U.S. and Vietnam .  When / If that agreement is signed, it is likely that Vietnam will require Hague accreditation.  

 Vietnam  

Meanwhile, the CHI dossier waiting list remains the same. Everyone keeps their place in line and nothing changes.  If/when Vietnam decides to return all the dossiers logged in with DIA, those dossiers will be held in our HCMC Vietnam office until a new agreement is reached.  When the new agreement is reached and if CHI does not have our Hague accreditation, we would work with one or more agencies to smoothly transition families to those agencies to complete their adoptions.  CHI will not abandon you and you will be taken care of through the end of your adoption.

 

 QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS: 

1. Is Children’s Hope International continuing to seek Hague accreditation through the COA (Council on Accreditation)?  Yes, we are. Vigorously.
2. What is the COA?  They are the accrediting agency contracted by the U.S. State Department to give approval for Hague.
3. Is Children’s Hope International accredited by COA.  Yes we are, and in good standing since 2002, and are now reapplying through them for “Hague” approval.
4. Is Children’s Hope licensed / accredited / or approved by the authorities in China , Colombia , Russia , Kazakhstan , Vietnam , and Ethiopia ?  Yes we enjoy the honor of being approved and commended by in-country authorities in all these countries.
5. Can you trust Children’s Hope to complete your adoption directly or with the assistance of a sister agency?  Absolutely.. We are in relationship with sister agencies that have agreed to work with us if needed, to complete your adoption or to complete any portion.   Also you should know that if your file is transferred to a sister agency, it will not negatively affect your scheduled referral at all.  Your LID remains constant.
6. Why didn’t you get “Hague” approval this time around?  We have now determined that it was because of two former Russia department staff who forged names and misused their notaries.  In so doing they violated the law and the principles of this agency.  That was more than 15 months ago, but we understand that Hague feels there needs to be more time elapsed before approval.  We have put in place an approved Corrective Action Plan to ensure absolutely clear use of cross-checking and notaries on all documents. 
7. Why did you close your branch offices? As you can see from the above or get from the nightly news and the internet, International adoption has taken a drastic downward turn in the last 18 months. In an effort to adjust to these changes about six months ago we closed 8 branch offices to save money.   As a part of our restructuring and necessary cost saving, we made the decision for all adoption processing to be centralized in the main office in St. Louis . We closed 8 offices at that time and 7 remained open only for Social Services such as post-placement reports.  All families had been transferred to the St. Louis office but the branches continued to help families with social services such as homestudies and post-placement reports.  When the largest number of cased were resolved, the remaining were transferred to other agencies in that state.
8. Why have all families been transferred to the St. Louis central office?   For two reasons:  One, because we have a strong staff in the home office in St. Louis who are in touch with everything that is going on with the latest changes in the countries. The second is, that with the limited number of new applications coming, it was not financially feasible to keep the offices open.   I understand how nice it is for you to have a more local person to work with and I regret that we cannot continue that – but we just cannot.  We do promise to serve you well from our central office. 
9. Are you going out of business?  No! There is absolutely no such intention or danger by closing our branch offices and downsizing our staff.  We are still strong and want to stay that way to serve you in the completion of your adoption.
10. Is Children’s Hope for sale?  Unreal.  We have talked with sister agencies about cooperating with them for services until we can get our Hague accreditation, but nothing more.  Beware:  Chat lists are not the sources of good information.  We are a ministry to help orphan children find homes, health and hope.  We are not a business.  Our Foundation continues to find ways for thousands of orphans to be helped who will never be adopted.  We have raised over one million dollars in goods and services in China alone the first part of this year and are praying to God for the means to help many more in many countries.
11. How many adoptions will Children’s Hope complete this year?  Based on the first 8 months, it should be about 450.
12. Are we shutting down our Yahoo Groups?  Yes, we can no longer maintain these sites.  Please call your adoption consultants if you have a question or problem.  They will be able to give you the correct information.
13. How can we help Children’s Hope?

a.      Believe in us.  We are your agency and are totally committed to completing your adoption for you.  We will not let you down.

b.      Support us in our efforts to make it happen for you.  We are supporting you and will do whatever it takes humanly speaking.  We pray daily as a group for God’s favor and wisdom in all things.

c.      Pray for us.  The staff is working hard and getting fired at, sometimes viciously, by some people who believe the rumors of chat groups – but refuse to believe the simple truth.  How can that help?  An email of support will go a long way toward lifting them up.  I believe that probably 95% of adoptive families are sensible, understanding and rational.  We would like to hear from you too.

d.      Be patient.  We didn’t cause the long wait in China or create the political snafus in Vietnam .  Please don’t blame us.  A wonderful child is waiting for you but not on the schedule you started with.  How can it help to complain or blame?

e.      Be understanding, please.  In your own personal budgeting or in your personal business, did you ever have to make changes to make it work out?  We did but we are still here and plan to be here for a long time to come. 

f.        Don’t worry.  We are going to be here for you and have made every provision financially and otherwise to complete your adoption and see you through to the last post-placement report.  Really!  We cannot regulate what governments may do, including our own, but we can promise you that as long as there is a door open we will be going through it with you.  

I plan to communicate with you at least every month about general adoption matters.  Program directors will also be sending out regular emails regarding specifics within your program.  

I pray that God will guide and bless you with success in your work and family,  

Dwyatt Gantt

Executive Director
(314)812-1799 Direct Line
dwyatt.gantt@ChildrensHope.net 

Home Office
11780 Borman Drive, St. Louis , MO 63146
Tel: (314) 890-0086 - Fax: (314) 812-1819
www.ChildrensHope.net Help an Orphan!  CLICK HERE

 

Helayna starts 7th grade

Eating breakfast before school

Look mom! I can tie my own shoes!

Ready to go!

Kendall and Helayna, all set for 7th grade!

Well, Helayna started going to school after me homeschooling her since 1st grade!

I still can't believe it sometimes, as I really thought I'd keep her home for at least 2 more years and possibly, through high school. Eric always thought we'd send her to high school and I would just ignore him when he talked about it... I just didn't want to let my little girl go....

When we originally decided to homeschool her, she had been going to a private Christian school for preschool and pre K. It was great and I had no complaints, until we got the bill for 1st grade! Eric took one look at it and said, "Ok, why don't you homeschool her?" I had been talking about it since she was 2 years old and felt like it was something that God wanted me to do, but Eric was never 100% sold on it. He thought like most people do that don't know about it, that it was "weird", that homeschooled kids aren't "socialized" and that they basically sit in a room by themselves and become social outcasts...

Well, after doing it for 6 years, I can say that none of that is true...at least for Helayna. I'm sure there are those rare cases where weird things take place, but that happens with kids that go to school too. Helayna thrived while being homeschooled, had tons of friends, went on field trips all the time, participated in science, history and art fairs and got mostly A's. (with a few exceptions, of course!) As the years went on, it became more challenging for both of us. Less kids are homeschooled in the later years and her friends started moving or going to school. We would still attend "park day" once a week where she did PE and hung out with friends, but she was becoming more and more resistant to going. I didn't like to see this in her, since she is normally so social. I started thinking that maybe we needed to find another homeschool group with older kids. But when I researched it, nothing appealed to me.

I talked to friends that had sent their kids to school, friends that were thinking about it, friends who already had kids in school and nothing was ever clear to me. I would change my mind from week to week. When I would ask Helayna if she wanted to go to school, she could never give me a yes or no.

Part of this, I'm sure was due to fear of the unknown and also thinking that I didn't want her to go.

So, about a year or so after I started having these feelings of "should I send her, or shouldn't I?", I got a card in the mail, advertising a new charter "preparatory" school that was opening in the fall. It said on the front "Prep for college, Prep for Life" and that intrigued me.

So, I read on and was intrigued even more. No other school before had ever interested me enough to even find out about it but this one did.

So, I showed it to Eric and Helayna and we went to an information meeting. After listening to the principal talk about the school and their vision, we were hooked instantly. I felt like God told me "This is the place for her!". So, I went for it and told her she could go.

Well, of course, I had second thoughts a day or two later, thinking, what am I doing? I'm letting my daughter go,who I've had home for 6 years...and I don't want her to go!!! I want her home with ME, I want ME to be able to protect and influence her, ME, ME, ME....and then, I realized..........it's not about ME! It's about Helayna...and God told me to let her go...and not just to school...to let her go....and grow up like she needs to. Make her own decisions, mistakes and learn from them. Let her go and explore things a kid needs to explore, let her go and experience life as a teenager (yikes!), let her go and live her God-given destiny. I can't do that for her, she has to do it on her own. Of course, the one thing I can cling to is that we have laid a foundation for her and she can't lose that. She may push it aside, but it will always be there.

Her relationship with God and her relationship with us will always ground her, I hope, and although she may have moments where she will stray, I have to believe she will always come back.

I have to trust that God has a plan for her and she has to find that on her own. I also have to trust that He will protect her and hold her safely in His arms.

This is the only way I have been able to let go of my hold on her. It's a hold that I needed to have when she was younger, but as she has grown, it needed to be let go of. I will still be here for her, whenever she needs me, to guide her, help her, love her and discipline her when needed. And we are still going to have rules, but they will be a little more lenient as she earns trust from us.

She has made us so proud and is becoming exactly the young lady that I always hoped she would be. She is responsible, honest, trustworthy and caring. Of course, she can be a big stinker at times, but it wouldn't be normal if she weren't. She has a great relationship with us, with her sister and with her grandparents, aunts and uncles. She is so mature at times, i forget that she's only 12. But then, get her with her friends and I remember how young she really is...they are so silly! But I love every minute of it. I love seeing her let loose and be crazy silly with them. I never want her to take herself too seriously. But, I do believe she knows the time and place for that.

Helayna has been babysitting for our church functions and has acted very responsible when she has made a commitment. She loves the kids and already has favorites that don't want her to put them down!

She is loving ballet and tap and is even thinking of trying out for the Troupe. She goes to church youth group once a week and will start going into the community to do outreach with them. She wanted to go to Haiti with Eric next year, but now that she's in school, she is bound by their breaks and her spring break is later than the trip so she won't be able to go this time. (which, to be honest, is ok with me!!!)

Gosh, there's so much more I could write....but I will just say that this is a new chapter in our lives and I'm excited to see where it will take us, especially Helayna.

More soon...:)

Love,

Michele