Helayna's 13th Birthday!

sweet sisters
helayna after getting her hair done by Auntie Marlain front of a yummy cupcake shop we went to before the mall

Helayna didn't want a party this year. She just wanted to go to the mall with her best friend, Kendall. So, we had lunch, shopped ALL day, had a sleepover and then took her to her favorite restaurant, Outback for her birthday......simple but fun!

helayna and kendall, best friends since age 2
getting a snack after all that shopping!
the birthday princess

Well, my first "baby" is officially a teenager!!! I cannot believe it! I feel like she was 8 years old yesterday and a little girl...now she is growing into a VERY tall, beautiful young lady who has a mind of her own and doesn't need her mommy so much anymore. She is becoming very independent and testing us constantly to see how far she can push and how serious we are about what we say.

I feel like part of it is because I homeschooled her from 1st through 6th grade, so we became very close and did almost everything together. I knew all her friends and their parents, knew what she was doing every second of the day pretty much and had about as much control as any parent can over the influences in her life.

Now, sending her to school this year has changed many things. I no longer know all her friends, although I do know the ones she considers her "best" friends. I do not know all their parents, although I am trying to get to know them whenever possible. I don't know what she is doing throughout the day and sometimes after school when she has activities and such. She has a cell phone but doesn't always answer it...(which drives me crazy!!!) She makes plans that I don't always 100% approve of, but I try to let her do as much as I am comfortable with. I still say "no", don't get me wrong...but I am trying to "let her go" a little at a time because I know it's what's best for her.

I still look at her as if she is my baby girl and I want to just grab her and pull her on my lap, but it's not so easy now that she's 100 lbs! She is still my sweet Helayna and I know that she will always be, deep inside, but she is definitely changing and has influences that she never had before. I guess it's a normal part of life...she can't always be a momma's girl...but it's hard for me to let her go and be her own person and leave me behind, in a sense. 

I want her to have friends, have her own life, learn things on her own, have fun and be a kid...but part of me wants to be there to make sure she doesn't get hurt, make mistakes, or be let down. I just want her to be happy and never have to experience heartache or get hurt by anyone or anything and I want to protect her from the world, but I know I can't. I can't be there by her side at all times, and at some point, I have to trust that God is going to take over when I can't be. He will be there to lead her down the right path, protect her and keep her safe and help her to choose what is right and to say no to things that are wrong. I have to trust that we have laid a good foundation down for her and taught her what is most important and that God will be the center of her life, even when she doesn't quite know it yet. 

I know she will question what she has learned, eventually. But, I want her faith to be her own so that's ok. I want her to ask questions and find the answers for herself, not just believe because we told her to. But, I pray that she doesn't stray too far away while she is figuring it all out. I pray that God keeps her close, even in the midst of her doubt, (if she has doubt) and that He will reign her back in quickly.

I just love this child so much that it hurts. She was my first child and will always be my baby. She is a blessing to us every single day and sometimes I can't believe we're raised such an amazing child. She is kind, funny, sweet, beautiful, artistic, smart, and very grown up for her age. She has an inner kindness and beauty that some people are lucky to see. I am so proud of her and hope that I can always show her that. Of course, we have our "moments" and she has normal teenager behaviors that aren't so fun for us...but I know that deep inside, she is my sweet Helayna and that we can get through these next few years as long as we keep communicating and being honest with each other. And of course, with God's help.

Helayna....I couldn't ask for anything more in a daughter. I love you so very much and hope that you always know that.

Only 3 more years til she drives!!!! yikes!!!!!