A special person who we will miss dearly.....

I am so sad to be writing this, but Eric's dad, Gary Schweig, passed away on Monday. He had been sick for many, many years and had a heart transplant 13 years ago. A few years back, he also had a kidney transplant. He was diagnosed with diabetes and congestive heart failure, among other things. He really hasn't been healthy for years.

But, to anyone who knew him, I know they would say that they could never tell that he was so sick. He always had a smile on his face or was making jokes and he never complained. Even when he'd be totally out of breath from walking up a few stairs, he would just stop, rest for a minute and go on. He just didn't "act" sick.

So, I think that's part of the reason some of us are so shocked that he's gone. Even though I knew how sick he really was and Eric and I knew and talked about this day coming, it didn't prepare us for the reality of it.

I just can't imagine the Schweig family without Gary. I don't think I could be in a room with him for more than 5 minutes without cracking up. He always made me smile and always made me feel loved. I felt like he was my 2nd dad, especially after my dad passed almost 2 years ago.

He and Eric have always had a special relationship and I'm going to miss seeing that between them. They had all these silly jokes and saying between them and I've never seen Eric laugh harder than with his dad.

And then, if you got his sister with the two of them...watch out! It was nonstop laughing...for me, at least! I keep saying that at least part of Gary will always live in his kids and now, with Helayna. I see that same type of relationship with her and Eric that Gary had with his son and it's so heartwarming and kind of funny, that a sense of humor can be passed down from generation to generation.

Helayna also had a special bond with her grandpa. He always joked around with her and I think it's part of why she has a thick skin now. She loved him very much and was devastated when I told her that he had passed away. I'm not sure I've ever seen such sadness in her eyes. It broke my heart to see my daughter go through that kind of pain. It makes me so sad that my daughters are left without any grandfathers now. It's such a wonderful thing to see, your father with your kids and it's something I will treasure forever, with my dad and also with Eric's dad. It's so hard, because I wonder sometimes, if it's better to love someone so much and then lose them or to not have ever loved that deeply. I think I may be able to argue both sides. But, ultimately, I think the deep love wins out.

To remember my dad with Helayna are some of the most precious memories I will ever have and I would never want to give those up. And now, with Gary...I think about how little was when Nikki (Eric's sister) got married and I have a picture on my wall of her sitting on Gary's knee and they are looking right at each other. It's so sweet and just reminds me of the love between them. I would never want to take that away from Helayna.

It's just so hard to watch your kids hurting and I feel like Helayna has been through a lot in her 13 years already. Part of me believes that this is what has made her into the wonderful girl she is now and also has made her strong and able to deal with change, loss and other difficult things. But the other part of me just wants to put her in a bubble, where nothing bad ever happens.

She was only 5 years old when our baby, Faith was born and looking back, I feel like she acted like she was 10! I remember her being so mature and dealing with it all so well...probably even better than me. When we lost Faith, it was devastating to our family, but we got through it together and with God's strength and peace.

We moved to Arizona when Helayna was 8 and this was a HUGE change for her (and all of us!). But I don't remember her EVER complaining or regretting the move. She just went along with it, doing the best she could, even though she missed her family and friends. She was strong and got through it, making friends along the way and adjusting very well.

In 2006, my dad passed away from lung cancer after being diagnosed only a year prior. This was a huge loss for our family, especially for me and Helayna. My dad used to come over ALL the time when Helayna was little, always bringing her presents and making time for us, taking us to dinner, playing with Helayna and just spending time. So, when he passed away, it was completely and utterly shocking and I didn't know how I would live my life without my dad. I still wonder how I do it sometimes, I miss him so much. It's still painful to think about, but then I smile thinking of all the good memories of him with Helayna. When he died, Helayna lost another important person in her life, but got through it.

Then,after being homeschooled since 1st grade, we put Helayna in a charter school for the first time last year. (7th grade) I thought it would be a really hard adjustment for her, but looking back, I think it was harder on me! She did so well,made tons of friends and I'm so proud of her.

This was another stepping stone for her and in her faith, I think, and I believe that God has carried her through all these things, teaching her valuable lessons each time.

I feel like she is meant for big things in the future and I think with all these tragedies in her life and her getting through them, she has come out a stronger and more resilient person and it will benefit her in her adulthood. This is what keeps me going, when I think about her sadness right now and how she misses her grandpa.

I'm not quite sure how this turned out to be all about Helayna, but I guess she's on my mind right now because I just told her today, after she got back from church camp where she had been for the week. It was a struggle, trying to decide if we should call her at camp and tell her, if we should drive the 2 hours to pick her up and tell her, or if we should just let her have her fun and tell her when she got back. We chose the last and I believe it was the right decision. Although it was so hard for me not to be there with Eric and didn't feel right, I think it was the way it had to be.

We are all going to miss Gary so much and I think it's going to take a long time for all of us to heal from this loss. I have known him since I was 15 years old and I loved him very much. I will always remember his sense of humor and his resilience even in the midst of sickness and pain. He had such a wonderful attitude that I think we can all learn from and try to emulate. We all have aches and pains, but we need to focus on the many many blessings we all have instead of the negative.

For me, I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful daughters who make me smile every single day. I have a mom who is moving here to be close to all of us (yeay!!!) and I am so thankful for that. I have a sister who is also my best friend and another sister who is by marriage,but as special to me as if she were my blood. I also have nieces and nephews who I love dearly and other kids who are like family that I love very much too. And the friends we have made over the years....I can't even imagine my life without them. So many have touched our lives in ways I can't even explain and I am so grateful for that. Our church family has been one of the biggest blessings and they have shown us the meaning of "loving and serving others". I can't tell you how many phone calls, emails, fb messages and offers of help we've gotten this past week. We both are truly touched.

So, when I am not feeling well or going through something, I am going to try and remember Gary and be positive. Have a sense of humor always...especially about myself. Not be so serious. We have ONE life...we need to enjoy it!

And one more thing I've learned this week...we NEED to tell people how we really feel about them NOW,and not wait. We NEVER know how much time any of us has, and if we don't speak up, we may never get the chance.

I am so happy that the last time I saw Gary in the hospital, the last thing I said to him was "I love you". We all need to do that. NOW.

Here's to you, Gary....Dad.....Grandpa......"My Father"(as Eric called him).....We will always love you.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo