thoughts on adoption...

I just put Mia to bed and read her a book, like every other night. But tonight, I cried while I read to her. The book was called : Shaoey and Dot and it's a book about adoption. The baby in the story is in an orphanage and there's a ladybug that stays with her until she's adopted by her family.

This is the part where I cried...........

"See, I've waited till now to tell you this story.

It's about all the reasons you cry.

Sometimes it's because you feel sick, tired ,or hungry,

And sometimes you just want your pants dry."

"But, then, there's a cry that's the saddest of all.

In fact, it's unlike any other.

It comes from a deep, empty place in your heart

That can only be filled by a mother."

It just brought me back to that time that I waited and waited for Mia to come home. I felt such an ache in my heart and an emptiness in my soul that I can never explain to anyone who hasn't gone through adoption themselves. It's unlike any other feeling I've ever had and so very painful. To know that your child is in another country, needing love, affection, someone to love them as only a mother can. And you can't give that to them...it's very difficult to deal with. It's a literal ache, as the months go on and all you want to do is hold that child, tell her you love her, kiss her face and rock her to sleep. Help her when she's not feeling well, change her clothes when she's dirty, calm her when she's upset, just give her the love that she deserves and longs for. And you can't....all you can do is sit and wait....and wait...........and wait.................and pray, of course.

Reading that book brought back all those feelings for me like they were yesterday. I remember getting a picture of Mia from my agency, as I so often did (which was wonderful) but this time, it wasn't so pleasant. She was sick, had a horrible rash on her face and was lying on the tile floor in the orphanage. She looked miserable. All I could think about was how desperately I wanted to be there to make her feel better....to hold her and comfort her and give her a cool bath. It was torture not being able to help my sick baby...it was such a motherly instinct that at the moment, I knew for sure Mia was meant to be my daughter...and no matter how long it took to get her home, God will bring her home to me...

And He did. Not in my time, but in His. And I may never know why it took so long, and in the end, does it really matter? All that matters is that I have my baby girl home now, where she belongs and now I can truly be her mother and comfort her whenever she needs comforting, tell her I love her 20 times a day, give her tons of hugs and kisses to make up for all those years I wasn't there and just love her like a mother should.

God is good....and so is the gift of being a mom. 

9/16/08 Adoption Update

Hi all,

This is an email I recieved from our adoption agency, Children's Hope International regarding what's going on in the adoption world right now. It's really sad and I just feel for all the kids who are going to suffer because of this mess. The saddest part is that none of this changes how many kids still need families and will go on living in orphanges and foster homes while they figure all of this out. They are the ones who lose out on living in loving families and it just breaks my heart to know this. We can only pray that this situation is resolved soon.

Read on:

What’s Happening in International Adoption and with Children’s Hope?

I sincerely want you and all families working with Children’s Hope International to have assurance and understand the restructuring that Children’s Hope is going through because of certain changes in international adoption.   

Basically, all adoption agencies are scrambling to re-invent themselves according to the new realities.  So is Children’s Hope.  Here are some examples of what is happening.  

• China referrals have slowed to perhaps 1/4^th of what they were.  The current wait time for referrals is 32 months and still climbing.
• Vietnam adoptions continue for families who already have referrals but no new applications until if/when the U.S. and Vietnam authorities sign a new memorandum of agreement.
• Guatemala was the second largest destination for adoptive families and it has been closed to new adoptions.
• Most countries have been very slow in giving referrals causing the wait time in most countries to increase.  
• Korea is making announcements regarding closure of international adoptions by 2012.

International adoption agencies are reporting that new restrictions and fewer referrals are creating a crisis for them and that is certainly true with Children’s Hope. 

This year the Hague accreditation process was inaugurated for certain countries which have signed to be in that process.  

Of the countries where we work, that includes only 

China

Colombia. 

These are the only two countries we work with that require Hague Accreditation in order to accept new applications.  Because we have not get received Hague accreditation, that means CHI cannot take new applications, but all CHI families with dossiers already in the country are ‘grandfathered’ in and can complete their adoption using Children’s Hope.  Not to worry  

We have a few families in process of completing their paperwork for China and when we receive those they will be transferred to a sister agency who will submit it in country.  Otherwise the CHI families with dossiers already in country should complete without any problem.   

We are still able to submit dossiers to Colombia as long as the family has an I-600a.  Any others we will work to submit through a sister agency.  

 

It does NOT apply to
Russia

Kazakhstan nor

Ethiopia 

These are not “Hague Countries” and we are pleased to say everything is proceeding reasonably well.  At this time there is no need for you to be concerned at all about “Hague” accreditation in these countries;  Russia is slow but moves forward steadily.  Kazakhstan is slow and has its own requirements.  Ethiopia is all sunshine.

 

Vietnam is in its own category:  It does not require an agency to have Hague Accreditation but it is now closed to all agencies in regard to new applications until a new Memorandum of Agreement is signed between the U.S. and Vietnam .  When / If that agreement is signed, it is likely that Vietnam will require Hague accreditation.  

 Vietnam  

Meanwhile, the CHI dossier waiting list remains the same. Everyone keeps their place in line and nothing changes.  If/when Vietnam decides to return all the dossiers logged in with DIA, those dossiers will be held in our HCMC Vietnam office until a new agreement is reached.  When the new agreement is reached and if CHI does not have our Hague accreditation, we would work with one or more agencies to smoothly transition families to those agencies to complete their adoptions.  CHI will not abandon you and you will be taken care of through the end of your adoption.

 

 QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS: 

1. Is Children’s Hope International continuing to seek Hague accreditation through the COA (Council on Accreditation)?  Yes, we are. Vigorously.
2. What is the COA?  They are the accrediting agency contracted by the U.S. State Department to give approval for Hague.
3. Is Children’s Hope International accredited by COA.  Yes we are, and in good standing since 2002, and are now reapplying through them for “Hague” approval.
4. Is Children’s Hope licensed / accredited / or approved by the authorities in China , Colombia , Russia , Kazakhstan , Vietnam , and Ethiopia ?  Yes we enjoy the honor of being approved and commended by in-country authorities in all these countries.
5. Can you trust Children’s Hope to complete your adoption directly or with the assistance of a sister agency?  Absolutely.. We are in relationship with sister agencies that have agreed to work with us if needed, to complete your adoption or to complete any portion.   Also you should know that if your file is transferred to a sister agency, it will not negatively affect your scheduled referral at all.  Your LID remains constant.
6. Why didn’t you get “Hague” approval this time around?  We have now determined that it was because of two former Russia department staff who forged names and misused their notaries.  In so doing they violated the law and the principles of this agency.  That was more than 15 months ago, but we understand that Hague feels there needs to be more time elapsed before approval.  We have put in place an approved Corrective Action Plan to ensure absolutely clear use of cross-checking and notaries on all documents. 
7. Why did you close your branch offices? As you can see from the above or get from the nightly news and the internet, International adoption has taken a drastic downward turn in the last 18 months. In an effort to adjust to these changes about six months ago we closed 8 branch offices to save money.   As a part of our restructuring and necessary cost saving, we made the decision for all adoption processing to be centralized in the main office in St. Louis . We closed 8 offices at that time and 7 remained open only for Social Services such as post-placement reports.  All families had been transferred to the St. Louis office but the branches continued to help families with social services such as homestudies and post-placement reports.  When the largest number of cased were resolved, the remaining were transferred to other agencies in that state.
8. Why have all families been transferred to the St. Louis central office?   For two reasons:  One, because we have a strong staff in the home office in St. Louis who are in touch with everything that is going on with the latest changes in the countries. The second is, that with the limited number of new applications coming, it was not financially feasible to keep the offices open.   I understand how nice it is for you to have a more local person to work with and I regret that we cannot continue that – but we just cannot.  We do promise to serve you well from our central office. 
9. Are you going out of business?  No! There is absolutely no such intention or danger by closing our branch offices and downsizing our staff.  We are still strong and want to stay that way to serve you in the completion of your adoption.
10. Is Children’s Hope for sale?  Unreal.  We have talked with sister agencies about cooperating with them for services until we can get our Hague accreditation, but nothing more.  Beware:  Chat lists are not the sources of good information.  We are a ministry to help orphan children find homes, health and hope.  We are not a business.  Our Foundation continues to find ways for thousands of orphans to be helped who will never be adopted.  We have raised over one million dollars in goods and services in China alone the first part of this year and are praying to God for the means to help many more in many countries.
11. How many adoptions will Children’s Hope complete this year?  Based on the first 8 months, it should be about 450.
12. Are we shutting down our Yahoo Groups?  Yes, we can no longer maintain these sites.  Please call your adoption consultants if you have a question or problem.  They will be able to give you the correct information.
13. How can we help Children’s Hope?

a.      Believe in us.  We are your agency and are totally committed to completing your adoption for you.  We will not let you down.

b.      Support us in our efforts to make it happen for you.  We are supporting you and will do whatever it takes humanly speaking.  We pray daily as a group for God’s favor and wisdom in all things.

c.      Pray for us.  The staff is working hard and getting fired at, sometimes viciously, by some people who believe the rumors of chat groups – but refuse to believe the simple truth.  How can that help?  An email of support will go a long way toward lifting them up.  I believe that probably 95% of adoptive families are sensible, understanding and rational.  We would like to hear from you too.

d.      Be patient.  We didn’t cause the long wait in China or create the political snafus in Vietnam .  Please don’t blame us.  A wonderful child is waiting for you but not on the schedule you started with.  How can it help to complain or blame?

e.      Be understanding, please.  In your own personal budgeting or in your personal business, did you ever have to make changes to make it work out?  We did but we are still here and plan to be here for a long time to come. 

f.        Don’t worry.  We are going to be here for you and have made every provision financially and otherwise to complete your adoption and see you through to the last post-placement report.  Really!  We cannot regulate what governments may do, including our own, but we can promise you that as long as there is a door open we will be going through it with you.  

I plan to communicate with you at least every month about general adoption matters.  Program directors will also be sending out regular emails regarding specifics within your program.  

I pray that God will guide and bless you with success in your work and family,  

Dwyatt Gantt

Executive Director
(314)812-1799 Direct Line
dwyatt.gantt@ChildrensHope.net 

Home Office
11780 Borman Drive, St. Louis , MO 63146
Tel: (314) 890-0086 - Fax: (314) 812-1819
www.ChildrensHope.net Help an Orphan!  CLICK HERE

 

Helayna starts 7th grade

Eating breakfast before school

Look mom! I can tie my own shoes!

Ready to go!

Kendall and Helayna, all set for 7th grade!

Well, Helayna started going to school after me homeschooling her since 1st grade!

I still can't believe it sometimes, as I really thought I'd keep her home for at least 2 more years and possibly, through high school. Eric always thought we'd send her to high school and I would just ignore him when he talked about it... I just didn't want to let my little girl go....

When we originally decided to homeschool her, she had been going to a private Christian school for preschool and pre K. It was great and I had no complaints, until we got the bill for 1st grade! Eric took one look at it and said, "Ok, why don't you homeschool her?" I had been talking about it since she was 2 years old and felt like it was something that God wanted me to do, but Eric was never 100% sold on it. He thought like most people do that don't know about it, that it was "weird", that homeschooled kids aren't "socialized" and that they basically sit in a room by themselves and become social outcasts...

Well, after doing it for 6 years, I can say that none of that is true...at least for Helayna. I'm sure there are those rare cases where weird things take place, but that happens with kids that go to school too. Helayna thrived while being homeschooled, had tons of friends, went on field trips all the time, participated in science, history and art fairs and got mostly A's. (with a few exceptions, of course!) As the years went on, it became more challenging for both of us. Less kids are homeschooled in the later years and her friends started moving or going to school. We would still attend "park day" once a week where she did PE and hung out with friends, but she was becoming more and more resistant to going. I didn't like to see this in her, since she is normally so social. I started thinking that maybe we needed to find another homeschool group with older kids. But when I researched it, nothing appealed to me.

I talked to friends that had sent their kids to school, friends that were thinking about it, friends who already had kids in school and nothing was ever clear to me. I would change my mind from week to week. When I would ask Helayna if she wanted to go to school, she could never give me a yes or no.

Part of this, I'm sure was due to fear of the unknown and also thinking that I didn't want her to go.

So, about a year or so after I started having these feelings of "should I send her, or shouldn't I?", I got a card in the mail, advertising a new charter "preparatory" school that was opening in the fall. It said on the front "Prep for college, Prep for Life" and that intrigued me.

So, I read on and was intrigued even more. No other school before had ever interested me enough to even find out about it but this one did.

So, I showed it to Eric and Helayna and we went to an information meeting. After listening to the principal talk about the school and their vision, we were hooked instantly. I felt like God told me "This is the place for her!". So, I went for it and told her she could go.

Well, of course, I had second thoughts a day or two later, thinking, what am I doing? I'm letting my daughter go,who I've had home for 6 years...and I don't want her to go!!! I want her home with ME, I want ME to be able to protect and influence her, ME, ME, ME....and then, I realized..........it's not about ME! It's about Helayna...and God told me to let her go...and not just to school...to let her go....and grow up like she needs to. Make her own decisions, mistakes and learn from them. Let her go and explore things a kid needs to explore, let her go and experience life as a teenager (yikes!), let her go and live her God-given destiny. I can't do that for her, she has to do it on her own. Of course, the one thing I can cling to is that we have laid a foundation for her and she can't lose that. She may push it aside, but it will always be there.

Her relationship with God and her relationship with us will always ground her, I hope, and although she may have moments where she will stray, I have to believe she will always come back.

I have to trust that God has a plan for her and she has to find that on her own. I also have to trust that He will protect her and hold her safely in His arms.

This is the only way I have been able to let go of my hold on her. It's a hold that I needed to have when she was younger, but as she has grown, it needed to be let go of. I will still be here for her, whenever she needs me, to guide her, help her, love her and discipline her when needed. And we are still going to have rules, but they will be a little more lenient as she earns trust from us.

She has made us so proud and is becoming exactly the young lady that I always hoped she would be. She is responsible, honest, trustworthy and caring. Of course, she can be a big stinker at times, but it wouldn't be normal if she weren't. She has a great relationship with us, with her sister and with her grandparents, aunts and uncles. She is so mature at times, i forget that she's only 12. But then, get her with her friends and I remember how young she really is...they are so silly! But I love every minute of it. I love seeing her let loose and be crazy silly with them. I never want her to take herself too seriously. But, I do believe she knows the time and place for that.

Helayna has been babysitting for our church functions and has acted very responsible when she has made a commitment. She loves the kids and already has favorites that don't want her to put them down!

She is loving ballet and tap and is even thinking of trying out for the Troupe. She goes to church youth group once a week and will start going into the community to do outreach with them. She wanted to go to Haiti with Eric next year, but now that she's in school, she is bound by their breaks and her spring break is later than the trip so she won't be able to go this time. (which, to be honest, is ok with me!!!)

Gosh, there's so much more I could write....but I will just say that this is a new chapter in our lives and I'm excited to see where it will take us, especially Helayna.

More soon...:)

Love,

Michele