thoughts on adoption...

I just put Mia to bed and read her a book, like every other night. But tonight, I cried while I read to her. The book was called : Shaoey and Dot and it's a book about adoption. The baby in the story is in an orphanage and there's a ladybug that stays with her until she's adopted by her family.

This is the part where I cried...........

"See, I've waited till now to tell you this story.

It's about all the reasons you cry.

Sometimes it's because you feel sick, tired ,or hungry,

And sometimes you just want your pants dry."

"But, then, there's a cry that's the saddest of all.

In fact, it's unlike any other.

It comes from a deep, empty place in your heart

That can only be filled by a mother."

It just brought me back to that time that I waited and waited for Mia to come home. I felt such an ache in my heart and an emptiness in my soul that I can never explain to anyone who hasn't gone through adoption themselves. It's unlike any other feeling I've ever had and so very painful. To know that your child is in another country, needing love, affection, someone to love them as only a mother can. And you can't give that to them...it's very difficult to deal with. It's a literal ache, as the months go on and all you want to do is hold that child, tell her you love her, kiss her face and rock her to sleep. Help her when she's not feeling well, change her clothes when she's dirty, calm her when she's upset, just give her the love that she deserves and longs for. And you can't....all you can do is sit and wait....and wait...........and wait.................and pray, of course.

Reading that book brought back all those feelings for me like they were yesterday. I remember getting a picture of Mia from my agency, as I so often did (which was wonderful) but this time, it wasn't so pleasant. She was sick, had a horrible rash on her face and was lying on the tile floor in the orphanage. She looked miserable. All I could think about was how desperately I wanted to be there to make her feel better....to hold her and comfort her and give her a cool bath. It was torture not being able to help my sick baby...it was such a motherly instinct that at the moment, I knew for sure Mia was meant to be my daughter...and no matter how long it took to get her home, God will bring her home to me...

And He did. Not in my time, but in His. And I may never know why it took so long, and in the end, does it really matter? All that matters is that I have my baby girl home now, where she belongs and now I can truly be her mother and comfort her whenever she needs comforting, tell her I love her 20 times a day, give her tons of hugs and kisses to make up for all those years I wasn't there and just love her like a mother should.

God is good....and so is the gift of being a mom.